Sam Cassell All-Stars First Team

Sam Cassell All-Stars

Also known as the NBA All-Ugly Team

Again, please understand that I actually like several of these guys. Many of them are good people (from what I know of them) and some are great players. But ugly is ugly and these guys…

G- Sam Cassell (the captain)
G- Bonzi Wells
C- Ben Wallace
F- Zach Randolph
F- Luol Deng

Now, as before, a few comments need to be made:

Sam Cassell is the reason this list exists. He really looks like the result of an off screen romance between Sigourney Weaver and the creature in Alien. Damn.
Bonzi has been a bit of a head case but it is rather understandable. If you looked like that wouldn’t you be grumpy?
I teach a Black History class and am always a bit bothered when I see some of the old Sambo images because Ben Wallace always comes to mind. Please know I only mean that in the sense of the visual but understand, it’s not much of a stretch.
Zach Randolph has the kind of face that immediately evokes a strong emotional reaction; usually either fear or pity. If you’ve ever seen the Twilight Zone episode where the dying grandfather forces his family to wear N’awlins style death masks you’ll have a sense of where my mind roams. Zach always looks dim and dull. It’s interesting to notice which people think he’s nice dumb and which think he’s mean dumb.
Luol Deng is the NBA version of Seal. Ugly yet intriguing. But much more of the former than the latter.

Mean? Perhaps. True? Definitely!!!

The current legends of unbeauty.


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